Do Not Fear Narcissism

Dear Friends, 

In the midst of what appears to be a general sense of confusion in relationships these days, I want to talk about narcissism. 

We are wonderfully complex and beautiful creations, all of us. Each of our minds is unique, each of our personalities like a singular fingerprint. It’s a good thing to celebrate our strengths, to have ambition, and to believe in ourselves. I want you to be confident because there are likely many reasons you can be.

However, there is a toxin in our society and relationships called defensiveness. Those with narcissistic personality disorders (about 1-6% of the U.S. Population) have significant difficulties with accepting responsibility, emotional validation, and creating shared meaning. If you want to learn more about this phenomenon, subscribe to The Date Better Podcast. I’ll be covering this issue with Sabrina Rose in a 2-part series soon.

The good news is that 99% of people you date or marry DO NOT have narcissistic personality disorder. If you’ve found yourself in that 1% kind of relationship, please seek out couples therapy immediately. For the rest of you out there loving people who seem narcissistic, that may be true. There’s probably a good number of self-absorbed, defensive people out there.

Don’t fear narcissism or people who suffer, most of the time unknowingly, with it. You are confident. You know your reality. You know your worth. You know what you deserve when it comes to intimate relationships: attention, understanding, validation, and taking accountability for your actions with the people you love the most.

Remember, we are the change. I’d like you to focus on what you have the most influence over: who you associate with day to day. I challenge you to conduct a social audit of your circles and prune unhelpful, distant relationships while nourishing close, deep, meaningful ones. You got this.

Love each other fiercely,

Greg Matos